I wanted to address communication skills when dating/ “talking” to someone. I have been hearing so many stories lately and I feel like this needs to be discussed. Here is advice for people who are in these roles:
Let me say first and foremost just because you are going on dates with someone, having sex and talking consistently that does not mean you are “talking”/ dating. People make the assumption without having the conversation and that is when things get all awkward. If someone is having sex with you, talking to you consistently or taking you out, you still have NO blatant idea what their intentions are. Do not convince yourself that it is obvious and does not need to be discussed. They could be talking to you for multiple reasons. But you won’t know until you ASK.
KNOWS WHAT THEY WANT AND SCARED TO COMMUNICATE:
It is always important for two people to have the conversation. I know its a little bit awkward, especially because you never know the response you are going to get. But trust me, it is better to find out earlier than later. One thing I personally hate is wasting time. Talking to someone for months and then finding out that they do not have the same intentions as you is the worst. I know a lot of people say “We’ll see where things go/ go with the flow” I personally think that’s BS. If someone does not know what they want do not talk to them. Simple as that. Don’t wait for someone to figure it out when you know exactly what you want.
I am definitely a person who likes “projects” and the thought of manipulating someone to do what I want. I have always been like that. If someone tells me NO I hear YES. However, that rarely ever works. People will change only if they want to, not because you want them to. Understand that most of the time trying to change someone never works and only leads to wasted time.
Some people play the victim when they knew the entire time what the situation was. For example, If a girl says she does not want a boyfriend, but you decide to stick around and play the boyfriend role, you can not feel played when you ask her six months later and she still does not want to make it official. Everything was out on the table and you decided to keep going with it. That is your fault. One thing I can not stand is people playing the victim. You chose to invest your time in someone who made it very clear and apparent what they wanted so at this point the only person you can blame for the outcome is yourself.
THE CONFUSED ONE:
Sometimes both people are unsure of what they want and when that is the case I feel like it is okay to just ride it out (AKA. Go with the flow). HOWEVER (listen closely) do NOT invest too much time on this one person. You both are confused and unsure of what you want so one person might be playing the field, while one is not. You both are single so you can do what you want. Do not be close minded just because you are involved with this one person. The situation can change very quickly and you have to be prepared for it, especially since you knew the other person was confused.While figuring out what you both want do not feel any obligation. Keep the line of communication open and be honest at all times. This way no one gets hurt.
These are just a couple words of advice! I have been in almost every role, so I understand the dynamics of the situations. However, protecting yourself and your feelings should always be your number one priority. Dating and “talking” to people is fun and all, but too many people are confused or getting their feelings hurt so please handle situations better everyone! Until next time 🙂