I wasn’t with Benjamin for long, but it felt like forever. Our relationship was eight months of me trying to change him and mold him into what I wanted… it was a fail.
It all started the summer before senior year when Ben randomly added me on Facebook. We never really talked at school, but I knew he was cool because my best friend Anika grew up with him, so I accepted his friend request.
After I accepted his friend request he started to like and comment on a lot of my Facebook posts. I did the same and eventually we exchanged numbers. I liked talking to Ben. He was super goofy and down to earth. We started to get closer and Anika pressed for us to be together. She told me that he was always cool and respectful, so I was excited to get to know him. Ben and I texted all summer, but we didn’t hang out until school started. I enjoyed my time with him and after a couple months he asked me to be official.
Unfortunately, Ben sucked as a boyfriend. He wasn’t romantic, he was super lazy and he barely talked to me outside of school. The moment I knew I had made a mistake was when my ex Damon from middle school rolled up on me, Ben and Anika when we were sitting inside of the Chinese food restaurant next to our school. He literally came up to me and made a lot of inappropriate comments about how I downgraded and how he was better for me than Ben. It was the most uncomfortable situation I have ever been in. Anika and I looked at each other and Ben stared at the floor. My ex was being disrespectful and all he could do was look at the floor… I was so embarrassed. Now don’t get me wrong, my ex Damon was way taller and bigger than Ben. However, I still don’t think he should of went out like that. It was terrible.
A lot of other dumb things happened throughout the relationship. Ben never told me he was smoking weed, I found out from someone else he had to go to continuation school and then one day Ben opened up and told me how he really felt about me. Ben looked me dead in my face and said:
“You want somebody super corny and romantic and no dude is going to act like that. You need to go date a white boy”
I couldn’t believe that he told me that! The things I asked for weren’t hard, I just wanted to be spoken to everyday, surprised every once in a while and taken out. All Ben wanted to do was sit in his room playing video games and chill with his friends… I couldn’t stand how lazy he was.
For some reason I stayed with Ben. I don’t have a legit reason except “I thought he’d change”, but my 18th birthday party he embarrassed me again. The party was at my house in the garage and my mom had decorated and cooked, so I was super excited. However, the party ended up being awkward, because it was supposed to be a dance party and no one was dancing. Everyone awkwardly stood around like they did at a school dance… I wanted to disappear.
At one point in the night my friend Latavia was talking mess about how much the party sucked. Back in the day I used to have anger problems that I couldn’t control, so when I heard her I lost it and threw a bottle of apple cider. I ran upstairs crying and my close friends ran after me to make sure I was okay. I locked myself in the bathroom and once I came out I realized that Ben had stayed in the garage. I couldn’t believe my so called “boyfriend” didn’t run after me when I was clearly upset. When I went off on him he gave me some dumb excuse that I don’t even remember. I started to feel like this relationship wasn’t benefiting me at all.
Stupidly I thought that 2011 would be better for us. The very last straw was in February when Ben and I were talking about our futures. We both worked at KFC throughout high school and I was super anxious to quit and get a better job now that we were graduating. However, Ben was like “I don’t know if college is for me… what if I just worked at KFC forever”. At that point I realized I couldn’t do it anymore. I was preparing to go to San Jose State University to major in social work and my boyfriend had no plan or goals. I asked him how we were going to see each other once I left for college and he said “you’ll have to come here to see me.” That was the day I broke up with him. I just couldn’t continue to be with someone so lazy and unmotivated.
After the break up I felt sad and told Ben I wanted to get back with him (I have no idea why). However, he thought us breaking up was for the best, because he wasn’t willing to treat me how I wanted. I went to Anika’s house and cried my eyes out. I was so upset that I wasted eight months of my time, during my senior year of high school at that. After that day though I was relieved. I was about to graduate and then move to San Jose with complete freedom and no baggage. I was about to experience dorm life and being away from home and I couldn’t be more juiced. I was dating and talking to people for two years, but my third year of college was when I experienced my first “grown up” relationship. I was 20 years old…
*Shoutout to Ben though! My only ex I have on social media and don’t hate LOL (hope he doesn’t see this) HAHAHA.