This year I lost one of my best friends.
Am I sad? Not really. It’s just unfortunate.
Over the course of two years she had been nagging me about being a “better friend.” My whole problem with that was I have NEVER been a bad friend to her. Whenever she needed me, whenever she was down or happy, I was right there. The reason she got on me was because we barely saw each other. My thing is WE ARE GROWN. This isn’t high school anymore and no one has time to just chill multiple times a week. But despite that, I’ve never been the type of person to want to chill with my friends everyday, that’s just not who I am. You would think someone who’s known me for like 9 years would know that by now, but she continued to bitch and moan. She would also trip about me not texting back and not answering her phone calls. I’m sorry… I am 24 years old… unless you calling me with some tea or because you need me I didn’t see the point of sitting on the phone having small talk. It just got to the point where she was so clingy and annoying that I was starting to be over it. She would call dumb friendship meetings to discuss the “problems with our relationship,” but the problem was simply that we grew apart.
Besides me being less petty and me drinking alcohol now, I feel like I have pretty much been the same person since high school. However, my ex best friend did a complete 360. All her beliefs, hobbies and mannerisms changed and we really just weren’t vibing anymore. Hanging out would feel forced AF and there would be nothing to talk about. I don’t smoke weed, I barely party anymore and I have goals… actual goals. This post is not to throw shade, but to bring to light the truth about my failed friendship.
A lot of people stay friends, because they have been friends for years and feel obligated to, but when you grow and change as people, it’s hard to continue on as if you are still the people who met years ago. I entertained conversations about smoking, partying and many other topics that I just couldn’t relate, because I am not in that headspace anymore or haven’t ever been. I really wanted the friendship to continue because I was so invested, but I really wasn’t getting anything from it. The positive vibes and support I received years ago just weren’t there anymore. Why? I honestly think that she was so miserable in her own life that it made it hard for her to be happy for anyone else. Certain times I would be excited about things and I would just get a completely discouraging response. People who know me know that this has been happening for years. Ever since I started college my best friend started transforming into a stranger.
The last conversation we had was in August. She got upset at me, because we were supposed to meet up at First Friday and we never did. Why? Because I forgot. Not going to lie that was shady on my part, but it wasn’t that serious. If she really wanted to hang out she should of called or texted me like everyone else that was at First Friday was doing. But nooooo it’s all my fault. The day before she told me she was going to be there so I said okay cool I get to see you, but the next day I never followed up. I had like four different groups of friends I was supposed to meet that day and they all had called me like bitch where you at? She didn’t do that though… why? I have no idea.
She was texting me hellllla dry so I asked was she mad and she replied extremely petty basically saying we could be friends, but not best friends anymore, because I suck LOL. Mind you she hit me up when I was at this day party with my girl, enjoying life, tipsy so I hit her up like you are so dramatic I’m such a good friend to you and you’re gonna say something like that to me? She responded saying “I’m not going to applaud a fish for swimming” and telling me I’m making too much of a big deal out of it just drop the best and we can still be friends, or we can not be that’s fine. I was so over the arguing and her complaining that I just didn’t respond. A part of me wanted to cuss her ass out, but it wasn’t even worth it. I had checked out of the relationship a long time ago and she knew that. I hadn’t really cared anymore for like the past two years, but I wasn’t going to end it… I never end anything unless someone straight up does me wrong. Honestly I wasn’t getting anything out the friendship anymore. No good advice, no fun times, no support, no nothing so I started feeling like why am I still forcing this? The things she got mad at me for including me going to the gym with someone else after she told me she started working out with someone else, me not coming over multiple times a week (we live close), me not answering her calls and me not opening up to her. But how can you open up to someone who is always negative and hating on you? I refused. I had a wall up so her sending me that BS was the perfect exit for me. I never responded and we had each other on social media still until she recently deleted me. Only reason I even know she deleted me is, because of my Instagram unfollowers app.
Honestly I feel relieved and happier now that she’s gone. Being the emotional person I am the bickering and negativity just wasn’t good for me. I hope that she is doing well and that she accomplishes everything she desires. I have no ill will toward her and I hope that if we run into each other we can speak and keep it moving. She’s petty though, so she’ll probably ignore me haha. Regardless, I’ll live.
Now she’s just somebody that I used to know.